Whole30 Coffee and YOU (And my version of the coconut milk latte.)

Now, as we all know that the most important facet of any Whole30 program is not: discipline, motivation, planning, or a willingness to start the whole thing over if you screw up. No. The thing of primary importance is

GETTING YOUR COFFEE ROUTINE UNDER CONTROL 

Because as St Anselm argued, "Coffee is that than which nothing more necessary can exist."

Because, coffee, you make everything possible. And we love you.

So anyway...having now completed 3 Whole30s and embarking upon my fourth, I have come up with a number of solutions (Two. Two is a number!) to the coffee dilemma.

We say we love coffee, but do we...really? *eye squint* *meaningful eyebrow wiggle*

Ok. Time to get real. Really, really real. Don't be offended, fellow gluttons.

I contend that we Americans often really truly love the cream, the sugar, the maple syrup ("But it's primal!"), the #PSL, the trimmings, but are on the verge of forgetting our first Love. Pure, unadulterated coffee. Good, bitter, acidic black coffee. You know, the one all our farmer great-great-grandpas drank with their bacon and lived to be 212. 

SOLUTION #1

Learn to love your coffee like you love your man. In all its pure, unadulterated, acrid but somehow pleasing bitterness. That analogy actually doesn't work for me because my husband is much sweeter than I am. Never mind.

Learn to love it black and pure. It takes some getting used to but if you buy GOOD coffee, it ain't that bad, y'all. And it complements bacon nicely.

SOLUTION #2

I present to you my own personal version of the Coconut Latte. I drink this occasionally when I really want a tasty morning treat and I don't feel like breakfast. The excellent fat in the coconut milk will often carry me through a morning of vigorous housework, diaper changing, and building train tracks.

EDI'S COCONUT LATTE

Start with any blending device of your choice. My preference is this cute little baby.

You're so cute and handy, Nutri!

Then get yourself a can of coconut milk of your choice. But I use this stuff

Wait for it...

Get a load of those ingredients, babes. It's whole 30 compliant and available at Wal Mart. (Although there are whispers throughout the Whole30 community that WM might be kicking us all in the proverbial teeth by ceasing to carry this beloved item. So if you find it, buy it all.

Of course, you'll need some coffee...

...and cinnamon or add-in of your choice. Suggestions:

The insides of a vanilla bean,

Raw cacao powder,

Pumpkin, a dash of pumpkin pie spice...

The possibilities are not limitless but you do have options.

Here we go...let's blend. But first allow me to introduce my lovely assistant:

And now...

Step 1.

Step 2: Coconut milk. Use full fat. 

A note about proportions: I use the Anderson Eyeball Postulate which states that the human eye, being an accurate tool for measurement, can be relied upon to accurately determine the correct proportions. I eyeball it. It's whatever you like.

Step 3.

Aaaaaand Blend!

Step 4.

Eat bacon while the coffee emulsifies.

Step 5. Check out your latte.

Pour and enjoy!

Step 6. Spend the rest of the day eating vegetables cooked in appropriate fats and pastured meats from local farms. And stay away from those dates!

Edi

Recipie: Organic Dried Clementines

For so, so long I've salivated over the fancy and costly dried fruit at Sprouts. I've watched yuppy moms casually throwing bags and bags of it into their carts with a chic flick of the wrist. For healthy snacking on the go...for better than average school lunches...for the mother who knows she is virtuously providing her spawn with a non-sugared yet tasty alternative to candy. 

 

Guess what? I don't have to be envious any more. I have discovered snacking nirvana...a way to casually and chic-ly create your own dried fruit snacks in the privacy of your own home with no markup. Read on.

Note: this method works best if preformed in an arid climate, such as the Sonoran or other desert.

Dried Organic Clementines

Ingredients:

Organic Clementine Slice

Method:

Allow your children to eat Organic Clementines on the couch while watching Wonder Pets. Assume they are taking care of business when it comes to cleaning up their own mess. Wait 3 weeks. During this period preform only cursory cleaning of the sofa and its environs. Have a party at which heavy use of the couch ensues, with lots of sitting and stepping on and around the couch and said environs. At the end of Week 3, attempt to vacuum the area. Notice a weird sound from the Dyson and extract a perfectly tasty, desicated orange slice from the brush head. Enjoy!

Now doesn't that look delicious? And healthy?

Note also: this method works with cheese as well:

Bon Appetit!

Groundbreaking Ground Rules

I'm going to be blogging it seems, so there's no harm in setting some ground rules.  And boundaries.  I'm aaaaall about boundaries, as you will soon see. It's healthy!

I'm a Texas girl transplanted to Arizona.  The use of "y'all", "fixin' to", "'jeet yet", "a whole  nother", and various other colloquialisms special to my West Texas heart will be lovingly and heavily employed, and it's going to be great.

I'm a mother four times over.  I have four children.  They're all mine.  And yes, I do have my hands full, thank you.  I love my kids but darn if they don't drive me crazy with their insane and sweet demands. They're all talkers, bless their hearts, with the exception of Liza Belle, who is a mere 6 months old.  Which reminds me...the others are 7, 5, and nearly 3. Boy, girl, boy, girl.  And they are absolutely stunningly gorgeous.

"The Cowboy"

"The Feral Princess"

"Scary"

"Muffin Top"

Scary is very much a cutie too but I have so few pictures of him that are not blurry or featuring his nakedness.

Finally, for your viewing enjoyment:

"BAM!"

I'm a natural-born writer. I started young with poetry and stories and moved on to love essays, lists, outlines, and letters.Words flow from me as easily as a breath out. That having been said, I NEVER write anything any more.  Hence the need for the blog.

Because of my love of language I feel the compulsive need for correctness in my writing.  I just luuuuurve grammar, y'all!  By the way, y'all, "y'all" is perfectly correct. But "y'all'uns"? Perhaps not...Further discussion to come. 

I'm married, obviously.  I am married to a kind and manly man who is the headmaster of a Classical Elementary School. He's pretty great and I like him and we complete each other.  He doesn't like to be mentioned or photographed or talked about on the blog, so you won't see much of him.

I'm a country girl.  I grew up in a small, really small rural West Texas town where it was all cattle, oil, and cute little shops downtown.  I recently got an email from someone in my class that this year is my 20th high school reunion.  I don't even want to talk about it.

I'm an unlikely Catholic convert from Reformed Presbyterianism.  Seriously, I went there and I am so thankful for what God has done in my life and my family's as a result.  I love the Church...the Rosary...Adoration... Mother Mary...and most of all our Eucharistic Lord.  Heck, I love Him so much, I even wear a veil to Mass! That's pretty intense!

Back to the prosaic.  I am interested in such banalities as clothes, makeup and hair. (In case you were worried I was going to be all serious and stuff.)  Being a Texas girl, all things beauty are of supreme interest.  Don't let me go in Sephora, y'all.  I'm dangerous in there.

I enjoy saying "Dude" a lot, especially to my sisters. I have two sisters who are my soulmates and I'm the oldest. They live in Texas and I miss them so much. Shout Out!!!

I struggle...which will probably provide a ton of material about which to write.  I struggle with anger, pride, sadness, vanity, laziness (that's a big one).  But seriously. I'm trying so, so hard to submit my struggles to God and let Him do with them as He wills. Despite what you were thinking I'm actually not that great, but I believe He can turn me into something worthy of His precious Son. I'll tell you all about my failures sometimes and about how God still loves me and is perfecting me despite them.

Oh, and I like shopping and I'll be glad to show you what I got.

Thanks so much for hanging through the awkwardness.  Let's talk soon.

 Love y'all,

Edi